Monday, March 9, 2026

Coffee ii

Coffee stained on the back of my hand
Covering skin, expressing cracks and follicles
Brown-black over pale; a better textured smell.
Coffee: invigorating, uplifting entity—
French press delicacy, Colombian serentity
Heart-beating ease of sleep
Skip-step, racing wide awake;
steamy, caged insanity— hot creamy, controlled calamity
Alleviating pet-peeves, annoying discrepancies 
Up-right, so I can write; long after day shifts into moonlight, pleasurable blue nights
Like a cold-cheap milkshake-looking mixture,
midnight concoction before a quick weed-breather 
Tired survival, fresh blissfully evoked revival
Creative tool, albeit addictive in half rule
Certain stimulation, ingenious mental captivating
Anytime, anywhere: coffee is nearly always there

Delicious drink, bitterfully filling taste
Memories enduring from every small association,
happy to haunting all in a sip then gone away at once—
awry and alright…

Electronic Eye Candy

 



 Researching for a planned companion to Tomorrow Is Different But It's Still The Same regarding the all too common digital addiction is this mashed coagulation of notes on what I've gathered looking through the information presented by psychiatrist Anne Lambke in her book Dopamine Nation; as well as appearance on the Joe Rogan podcast. In a sense there's a (possibly imposed) sense of irony in posting it online to be consumed via digital delivery, at least initially; but so is scrolling to read the book in free pdf format and listening to information. Call it data, call it content; regardless of respective/preferred verbiage to refer to it, it's still doomscrolling on a certain level all the same.

Saturday, March 7, 2026

Eternal In-between

Bullshit, bold candor
Self-sufficient progenator
Banal bastardization
In my head
In my head
Eternal war between-
erratic ecstacy, dreadful delicacy

Thursday, March 5, 2026

Tomorrow Is Different But It's Still The Same

"That ontological dimension is what is missing from the progressive populist model, in which  the masses cannot but appear as dupes, fooled by the lies of the elite but ready to effectuate change the moment they are made aware of the truth. The reality, of course, is that the 'masses' are under a few illusions about the ruling elite... populist fantasies-- more than that: the duped subject awaiting factual enlightenment is the presupposition on which progressive populism rests. If the most crucial political task is to enlighten the masses about the venality of the ruling class, then the preferred mode of discourse will be denunciation. Yet, this repeats rather than challenges the liberal order; it is no accident that the Mail and the Express favor the same denunciatory mode. Attacks on politicians tend to reinforce the atmosphere of diffuse cynicism upon which capitalist realism feeds. What is needed is not more empirical evidence of the evils of the ruling class but a belief on the part of the subordinate class that what they think or say matters; that they are the only effective agents of change."

"...what is depressing is the implacable poptimism of the official culture, forever exhorting us to be excited about the latest dreary shiny cultural product and hectoring us for failing to be sufficiently positive. A certain 'vulgar Deleuzianism', preaching against any kind of negativity, provides the theology for this compulsory excitation, evangelising on the endless delights available if only we consume harder. But what it is so often inspiring-- in politics as much as in popular culture-- is the capacity to nihilate present conditions. The nihilative slogan is neither be 'things are good, there is no need for change', nor 'things are bad, they cannot change', but 'things are bad, therefore they must change.'"

"The depressive, totally dislocated from the world, is in a better position to undergo subjective destitution than someone who thinks that there is some home within the current order that can be preserved and defended." --Mark Fisher, Dis-identity politics 

Understanding this by a current analogy to worldly-- or just national events. Protests such as the 'no kings' marches and attempted governmental shutdowns, as well as fetishised nationwide walkout from all occupations and sectors of life (as if that luxury of an option can be afforded by everyone) show a failure in understanding the idea of perpetual/permanent revolution as Marx and Trotsky intended on behalf of those left of centrism. Mirroring this from Charlottesville to the 2021 takeover of the United States capitol building on January 6 by the right shows a lack of motivation, or ambition, towards much of anything beyond a temporary spectacle; rather than using accomplishments as sustaining fuel for fire, future deeds of might in order to install some new idealised system. 

In his second appearance on Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan's podcast The Magnificent Others, Hollywood legacy and writer Conrad Flynn explored the modern epoch of "avatars" and modern culturally imbued individuals, paralleled to those hoisted up in the 1960s and '70s by the New Left as akin to those empowered by the New Right. Main examples given being John Lennon and Kanye "Ye" West, Nick Fuentes and Abby Hoffman. Explaining these sorts of characters repeat in the cycles of time, people responding to similar signals and finding a purpose being presented by said representative Avatars. Archetypes viewed in light of the atmosphere's of the era's; the 1960s and '70s permeated by the assassination of [both] Kennedy['s] and a nonsensical foreign war  in Vietnam and Civil Rights struggles; eventually seemingly dying down as the combative overseas conflict concluded and legally solved in certain regards. Ultimately however the grounds of contention shifted ever so slightly in scope viewed and issues covered. 

Kicking off the roaring 2020s, was a hypothesised war which never came into fruition beyond memes, forgotten as quickly as the hype around it began. Fast forward two months into the new decade and delving into a year and a half long bipolar quarantine as a result of the COVID-19 virus taking a global stranglehold. Whether it was a bioweapon invented on behalf of some Chinese weapon lab, elite meddling to induce the populus into more controlled fortion-- fear tactics-- is only slightly relevant to the ensuing cabin fever increasing hypernormalisation en mass. Deviation in mundane existence made clear as celebrities gathered together to sing Lennon's song Imagine from luxury while the rest of the people struggled to find something as simple as toilet paper. 

"Purpose. I sell purpose. These people got nothing; maybe they lost a job or a house or a kid to Oxy. Politicians don't give a shit, mainstream media tells them to be ashamed of their skin color. So, well, I bring 'em together, tell them a story, give them a purpose. Which would you rather believe? That you belong to a community of secret warriors battling a secret evil, or that you're a lonely inconsequential nobody that no one will ever remember?" --Firecracker, The Boys s4e2

Hippie, groyper, black panther, ally.  From Fuentes 'hot takes' and rising "aura" in the wake of the post-mortem deification via meme martyrdom of Charlie Kirk to Instagram influencers posting black squares in support of Black Lives Matter, even going back two decades to the height of the pop-punk/emo explosion. Fandom serves for fulfilment where purpose is lacking in order to sustain a motivational self-esteem; as Firecracker explained to Sister Sage her area of work in the irony intense series The Boys. As Timothy Leary gave out LSD, now people hallucinate from dopamine drained brains. Queer, Nazi, nigger, Thelemite, conservative, faggot, Deadhead: reclaimed is merely a synonym for repackages and sold in numbers. From this a Nietzschean posit can be made: as from the melancholic declaration mourning the murder of God at the hands of his creators and adherents, the attempts to fill a void of purpose and ways to exist in a world so seemingly less difficult, but simultaneously no different a struggle. Tomorrow is different but it's still the same.

"Identity politics seeks respect and recognition from the master class; dis-identity politics seeks the dissolution of the classifactory apparatus itself." (Fisher)

Now six years and another election later, new foreign conflicts sprouting in the midst of it all. From a nuclear false flag to a wary last-ditch effort to keep antisemite a bad label; it's almost like the second world war never ended. Machiavellian theatrics deployed to old foreign failures from Venezuela to Iran. Dictators dead or in cells to cheering citizens as bombs continue to explode over the latter; who were witness to mass executions earlier this year on behalf of protesting the oppressive regime, mirroring in a massive degree of difference but simultaneously similarly viewed killing of protestors by ICE in the United States in the midst of its own civil distress. As in the beginning of last June it is in the start of this March with missiles lighting up the Middle Eastern skyline; all because a nation which wasn't there until the 1940s has likely evidence the sitting POTUS fucked kids and is now MOSSAD's bitch. Days of future past; tomorrow is different, but it's still the same.

Wednesday, February 25, 2026

Dull Delirium

Corrected cadaver;
Resurrected razing
Debutant in dreary,
dulldelirium 
Calm coat of arms,
Armistice barrage butchering equilibrium 
Drug deal gone wrong,
by way of song
memory alone repeats—
Reruns until it’s right.

Tuesday, February 24, 2026

Primal Pariah

Uncanny ally,
voluptuous folly
Discomforting dim discrepancy,
Inarticulate biology—
Unsettling imitation;
instinctual paranoia
Hidden horror, unconscious evasion

Indiscernable identity,
Uncomfortable lack of humanity

Internal alarm, primal pariah—
Lost locals, historical pheromones 
Ancient hormones, mismatched anomaly,
uniquely unsettling 
threatening imaginary, 
harrowing hominids

Eve of Leave

Eve of leave;
Consecrated over a screen;
desecrated disposition; disillusioned nihilist,
Flawed egoist, tremendous tendencies,
Paralyzing pariah, failing fugue,
"Buckle up for phase two":
Coagulated cracked clay, gray in gaeity,
Green-gold in past perception—
Corrected cadaver, sea-less stoned sailor
Wineless wino; wandering wondering—
Slow, woeful tones;
death in order to grow
Delirious; what is gained wisdom,
without the insane to show for it?

Friday, February 20, 2026

Mechanical Memory

“The machines remember, so we don’t have to”
Denoting the documentation of nostalgia in digital device, so as to avoid personally committing the moment to full memory, hazy and unreliable as such can be, albeit. Documenting to dissociate but carry the receipts. Freeze frame on failure and memorializing mistakes; regret made into a fetish, point of perverted personal pride. 

Why?

All too common is it claimed by one that they wish they could just forget about all the terrible, banal bullshit which makes life so unpleasant. But without that where would growth be? Fire torches down the meadow to regrow into a dense forest just as the nearby volcano blows its top and unleashes its beam of heat destroy the area recently reborn. Remains for nature to reclaim, in our human context/ perceived prescription. 

Trauma and related psychology suggests the memory has an incredible depth and what can [re]surface with enough digging can be astounding in accuracy— or disgraceful distortions; like why the diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) required rebranding after manipulative malpractice occurred in said area, becoming the now odd diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder (or DID). Nonetheless memory and the neuroplastic recall of the brain can be and is incredible; what isn’t truly remembered is seemingly scarce. Even Alzheimer’s and dementia patients have instances wherein they recall everything in due detail, lucid and momentary as it may be. Surely, under the proper conditions even the pain a woman may in childbirth experience but subsequently forgets from its intensity, could be recounted. 

Intensely documented is such an occasion, typically. Pictures and videos galore. All that would be left is a matter of manipulating the senses so as to induce the memory in detail— somewhat similar to the way EMDR therapy operates— by recreating the settings; so to say. It’s known certain sound frequencies of the sub-bass variety with the propensity to elucidate a sense of unease, unknown fear upon the beings of listening ears. Scent can quickly bring one to reminisce; paired with sight and sound the physical interpretation of information can be uniquely manipulated. 

Forgetting as a fetish however, is somewhat of a faith based in/on unresolved fear. The grass is always greener, is a platitude— true— however it is also a realistic rumination; but, the only thing way out is from the frying pan and through the fire… with a wet towel around the top of the head. What way through, differs but in every so slight degrees; regardless of lived extreme— life is but a banal dream. 

Mind flowing as age goes on and more is embedded: memorized and mended. It’s hard to fully forget before one is dead. 

None of this however answers the question, why document, if not to remember? Is it as simply complicated as being so addicted to the blue light of the phone screen, that it’s the chosen consensus reality? Obviously, there’s much oversight and overestimating the qualities, capacity and personal understanding of human memory; it’s flimsy and we are not elephants. While photographic memory seems so in select cases, it is still speculative in said examples

Which brings back around to the actual impulse to document, if it can be called an impulse. Arguably it is, as much as stepping out to smoke a cigarette is to some. In given connotation, the concept of documenting so as to let the machines remember for us, has an almost Gnostic lacing with such a negation of worldly sufferings. Stemming as aforementioned, from such fears and ills; and a lust for them not to cause so much inner shame. If such is the case, why then tape it in 4k?

Disconnected recollection, why documented evidence of deeds. In hindsight wished unseen, undone. Regret doesn’t make much sense without corrected course of action or continued drudging through the mud. Machines don’t seem to remember so we don’t in such instances even; they’re storage bins for aided reference in regards to  memory. Overactive imagination paired with erratic reminiscence. 

An unanswerable question overall, but it’s not one asked in the first place. 

Thursday, February 19, 2026

Obtusely Aloof

Wilted flowers, call comes in all odd hours;
All in the beginning, all in the end:
Star dust, space sludge—
Scorched husk beyond the last;
Walking dust, it’s too much—

Talk today, talk about yesterday:
Plan around the foreseeable array;
Convulse as it all goes South all the same:

Bad mouth, wire chewing mouse,
self-fulfilling, hindsight ego distilling…
Wait a week, all will still beat at the brink—
Ear to ear, cut for another year:
Shiny, smiley; alarmingly timely;

New shoes, new groove,
gattling grove in obtuse aloof:

Phallic in passive;
Generally genital,
What is asexuality if not a stunted—
developmental delay

‘Carpe diem,’
So high, undoing every seam;
Anal-retentive,
Consciously dismissive—

Oligarchical oedipus…
Is it wandering, wondering,
or none of us?

Falling into rust, a hunk before scarred,
interstellar junk

Monday, February 16, 2026

Determining Canary

Vicarious verbiage, wallowing egress
Gray gaeity, determining canary;
Extinct esteem, ego overflow
Disordered discord, envious impractical sympathy
Common, acausal casualties—
Journeyed jargon; traveling in passivity;
Amorphous abomination,
Calm, cordial altercation;
Refreshed rumination—
Repressed Promethean:
Isolated, dim infatuation;
Damning illumination, destructive dedication—
Harsh hope, flowing dope
Full frontal, failed sabbatical;
Riotous pre-retinal revival,
Post-ironic instances

Coffee ii

Coffee stained on the back of my hand Covering skin, expressing cracks and follicles Brown-black over pale; a better textured smell. Coffee:...