Cruel Concessions

This poem serves as an extension of The Gifts of Emotion and Cruelty. It is not an answer by any means, in either piece of writing; merely observation and exploration. 

Cruelty, hedonistic calamity

Sweet sadistic gift,

Suicidal malignity

Succinct in lasting grief and confused clarity;

Truculent remnants of barbarity,

Severe within mindfully meditated savagery;

Vicious curiosity spoon-fed as eye candy—

Merciless malevolence:

Not necessarily a killing spree;

Fell, foul ferocity—

This is only a game don't you see?

Colosseum cattiness just a car crash—

Scarring intentional incidents and unintended tragedy;

"Off with her head," a royal Red Queen decrees,

Senseless while sensual, who is the enemy?

Satisfaction in cannibalistically inflicted misery:

Emotional enmity guaranteed?

A Small Glimpse Into My OAUG Analysis Study

I have six total pages of notes on the title track for One Assassination Under God alone from the last day now. I think I've got the ultimate analysis brewing; plus the recent addition of You Can't Die Young as an expanded edition to the songs on Chapter 2 now raises the era to totalling 20 songs, as I also include the cover of In The Air Tonight-- not so much As Sick As The Secrets Of (Sleep) though as it's merely a remix of As Sick As The Secrets Within. I'm also considering putting God Is A Weapon, the collaboration with Falling In Reverse, in with it as well seeing as it was made and released within this timeframe and Manson's part in it, while echoing Ronnie Radke's, also seems to sing to other numbers like Meet Me In Purgatory and Enantiomorph...

Under God, Understood by Marilyn Manson

This is just a small fraction of what I have in regards to the title track, One Assassination Under God.

"Some of the inspiration when I was writing the words to this was drawn from a collection I had started building up of images that I identified with. There were a lot of Caravaggio paintings and others of that era, depicting various types of beheadings, executions of all sorts, firing squads. There was one illustration I saw where a horse was tied to each limb of the person they were killing and it ripped the person apart when the horses were set free. There was another one in which a person was sewn into a live animal and then it was set free to run off of a cliff. That one was really disturbing and for whatever reason I really identified with that one. One thing that I did notice though when I was looking at all these images is that it seemed to me that it was less about justice for the crowds of people involved in these things. It was more about the desire to see blood and to see suffering."

Judith Beheading Holofernes, Caravaggio, 1598

Dramatic, cinematic, militaristic as well as melancholic encapsulation of moments past, present and future. Assassination. Assassin-Nation. A nation of assassins. 

I have a bunch more, as I said many pages of notes beyond; this merely serving as a bit of an archive or a teaser to show a bit of it all, sort of like I did with the Unalive notes; but as I already know, in total so far I have much more than anyone else so far and I'm keeping it relatively on the hush beyond much vague alliteration here and there; as it makes more sense altogether, but I can certainly leave clues about some clues can't I. Needless to say with that then, boy-o she's a sain't like Jackie-O. 

The Gifts of Emotion and Cruelty

"Emotions are a gift from our animal ancestors. Cruelty is a gift humanity has given itself."

— Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal s1e6 

This quoted is explained over dinner to an off-duty FBI official Jack Crawford and his wife Bella, to her passive aggressive protests against the dishes prepared by a psychiatric consultant and expert cook Hannibal Lecter for the matter of their inclusion of meat in the dishes he was serving them that evening, insinuating that the methods of obtaining such was more barbarous in acquirement than need be for sustenance to relish. It's an interesting way of phrasing the matter seeing it is an undeniable observation that humans are sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all, though simultaneously not the only animal observed to take what can be characterised as delight in sadistic enactments with other creatures. Dolphins do such with the blowfish, playing and puffing them up then puncturing the sea animal to inhale the potent chemical produced in their inflation, to the effect of what would seem a sort of narcotic; cats toy with their prey, both so as to tire it out as well as in that the performance delivers pleasure chemicals even beyond the simple idea of hunting— it's fun. 

Where this label of cruelty on other animals is dubious is that it's a projected prescription of human attributes onto other species and assuming they're of the same intent; even if the chemical rewards and actions are likenable. It's ascribing a rhyme and reason, for entities we have no way of fully knowing the thoughts (or lack thereof) behind the actions beyond biological impulses. 

For better, worse or whatever the vantage point may be here on these gifts, Captain Jack Sparrow said it best in the third instalment of Pirates Of The Caribbean to Davy Jones at the climax of the movie: cruelty is a matter of perspective. Davy Jones does challenge this assertion, though by enacting his own example of the matter unto those watching him stab Will Turner... And to that end then, what is a gift? A present, or the German word for poison? Both at once? Neither?

Burning Bridges

The Bridge burned. Its flames writhed, rose and settled like a funeral pyre. As such, the event was an inevitable one, preventing the monolithic embalmment seemingly confusing those who thought anything and especially connection, was so set in stone and everlasting.

Crumbling, crumbling,

As if disturbed determining

Thoughts of sitting,

Of yesterday, looking for ongoing reasoning;

Fragrant, vacant coming aloud-

Down and around forgetting;

Perfume and worry in eternal memory

Blaze stagnating as it died down slowly in contrast to the fast inferno it initially engulfed as. There was no way of determining the origin of this destruction as what was once held up now sizzled as it sank into the deep river below. From there the water washed away much of the lighter wreckage and left the heftier bits and what could not be swiftly swept up and away was the seared memory of what burned bright for only a bit while closing the gap between separate shores. There for a little smoke, then here no more. 

[nth untitled]

Fated in faith, lacerated in its wake

Wrought, devastated and bought out in poor taste;

Reframed, Revived, reminiscent of star-studded suicide-

Belated birthday, sucked in and up a flavoured vape,

Lasting in life , limerick and latent;

Framed disarray in scarred faces,

What is a waste?

The Works of Nick Bougas

Nick Bougas, a name relatively without much known about it outside select Satanic or more right wing circles aside an infamous illustration and a well-done film about a prominent friend and collaborative partner. He was born in 1955 to Greek heritage and in the course of 71 years became an invariably interesting character: a succinct documentarian and illustrator with a vocal ability bordering on operatic. Nick had his fingers in many-a-pie and unique artistic life both like and dissimilar to any other. His flare for documentary was not out of the ordinary for the circles within what is deemed as the Aesthetic Terrorist or Art That Kills movement that he has been deemed apart of as he covered underground and then alternative lifestyles, true crime with the typical Charles Manson flare and in that the more crooked aspects and accounts of celebrity culture; but unique to that end as well as the style of portrayal was ultimately letting the camera run and things speak for themselves. Within this sphere of more anti-liberal and against the grain thought he appeared at an infamous performance put on by Radio Werewolf, Boyd Rice/NON and Feral House founder Adam Parfrey known as the 8-8-88 Rally; a seminal mix of Charles Manson fandom, American Front fascism and Satanic flavoured perpetrators. Nick would do works within all these fields via a variety of outlets.

Beginning a documentarian style career in 1980 with an obscure company called Mizzell Films, Bougas would release a short and ahead of its time film, predating the Stonewall events that launched much of the area around gay and lesbian existence into public perception, called Gay Gay Hollywood, then taking a nine year intermission before creating any others. In this period and as noted prior he came into cahoots with the likes of Nikolas Schreck, the Radio Werewolf frontman and Charles Manson biographer, contributing a few pieces of his own art as well as, "the reproduction of a movie poster or two," to the original version of The Manson File; as well as later on in years producing his own movie on the matter. 

Due to this time period as well, low-IQ antisemites smear Nick Bougas’ legacy— something my internet partner in crime notes as unfortunate, given the vast amount of work he actually did. His work is most widely known under the pseudonym A. Wyatt Mann, for the WAR newspaper of Tom Metzger’s White Aryan Resistance, where he drew racial caricatures. The broadest of these, still popularly used and recreated to this day, is the Happy Merchant.

Coming back from his film intermission in 1989, Bougas would do a number of documentaries in the span of less than a decade. Starting this streak he produced a trilogy of mondo films titled Death Scenes. The first in this triptych was narrated by Church of Satan founder Anton Szandor LaVey, as well as scored by its current Magus Peter H. Gilmore who also went on to do the same with the second. In 1994 alongside another serial killer focused piece, Nick did a documentary that served as an exploration of the gay and lesbian underground nightclub scene in LA but most notably a biographical account of The Goddess Bunny (which also serves as the movie name), Sandie Crisp; a transgender woman who had physical disabilities and disfigurement with a tumultuous yet intriguing life, to say the least.

Continuing in the realm of Satanism during the 1990s with another documentary, focusing largely on the personal proclivities and philosophical application of its founder called Speak Of The Devil: The Canon of Anton LaVey. Bougas and LaVey collaborated on a number of different projects together beyond that, creating a compilation album, Celebrities... At Their Worst which is a collection of bloopers from stars ranging in profession and profanity. On the Black Pope's album Satan Takes A Holiday Nick lent melodic vocals to renditions of songs from the 19th and earlier 20th century, most notably Dixie, Here Lies Love and Chloe. On occasion Nick would also draw the covers for editions of The Black Flame publication put out by the Church of Satan. Nick and LaVey would also both, but not together as such, would be on Adam Parfrey's record Deep Inside A Cop's Mind under the moniker of S.W.A.T. where Bougas did vocals for a spooky cover of the John Barry song Thunderball. On top of that all, he would also provide coverart for various acts such as ANTiSEEN's 1994 record Hell; and the 1995 self-titled album by Bloody And The Country Trash Punks.

Beyond his twentieth-century escapades, Nick Bougas stayed relatively secluded in his personal life outside of art. He would, however, provide rare photographs and information from his personal archives to true-crime publications and projects, and occasionally lend his skills in a more official capacity. For the audio version of Alejandro Jodorowsky’s book Psychomagic, he provided the cover art. Beginning in the 1990s, he frequently interacted and collaborated with the proto-hipster Jim Goad, contributing illustrations to the original issues of Goad’s notorious magazine series Answer Me!. In interviews, Goad would describe Nick as a, "prince among men," who would vehemently insist on paying the bill when out to eat. Bougas also helped the Philadelphian republish the series as a full colorized anthology.

On August 22, 2026 at the age of 71 Nick Bougas departed from the known realm of existence as a result of cancer. He is survived by his wife and immortalised as long as Earth and its history exists through his artistic contributions.

Select Bibliography

Petros, George. Art That Kills: A Panoramic Portrait of Aesthetic Terrorism, 1984-2001. Creation, 2007.

Bougas, Nick. Charles Manson Then and Now. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2426948/?_ssoLoop=1. Accessed 25 Aug. 2026.

“Flashback 8-8-88: Interview Excerpts from Forthcoming Book ‘Phantoms: The Rise of Deathrock from the L.A. Punk Scene.’” ZEENA Art, http://www.zeenaschreck.com/2/post/2018/08/flashback-8-8-88-interview-excerpts-from-forthcoming-book-phantoms-the-rise-of-deathrock-from-the-la-punk-scene.html. Accessed 25 Aug. 2026.

Schreck, Nikolas. "the reproduction of a movie poster or two..." https://www.instagram.com/p/DcbaCdIoVOU/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsi=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==. Accessed 25 Aug. 2026.

Bougas, Nick. Charles Manson Then and Now. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2426948/?_ssoLoop=1.

 Accessed 25 Aug. 2026.

Aes Nihil, John. EXIT Magazine. https://exitmagazine.net/. Accessed 25 Aug. 2026.

Barton, Blanche. The Secret Life of a Satanist : The Authorized Biography of Anton LaVey. With Internet Archive, Los Angeles, CA : Feral House, 1992. Internet Archive, http://archive.org/details/secretlifeofsata0000bart.

“The Black Flame (Magazine).” Wikipedia, 16 Aug. 2026. Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Black_Flame_(magazine)&oldid=1369644627.

“Nick Bougas Allmusic.” AllMusic, https://www.allmusic.com/allmusic_updated. Accessed 25 Aug. 2026.

Goad, Jim. “Answer Me!” Wikipedia, 10 Sept. 2025. 4 vols. Wikipedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Answer_Me!&oldid=1310510441.

“Jim Goad Goes In-Depth on Fuentes, Life & Politics.” Spotify, 28 Sept. 2023, https://open.spotify.com/episode/4BkZ2baf5h6qvJ1KcmzsyK?si=_JwqBJIKTPGMQIjJVYFf6w&utm_source=copy-link.

“Psychomagic, by Alejandro Jodorowsky.” 777was666, https://777was666.bandcamp.com/album/psychomagic. Accessed 25 Aug. 2026.

NARCOTICS

Nicotine, that entrenching flavor

Alcohol with burning allure

Reminiscing on THC’s ecstasy in expanding

Come on sweet simulation, stimulation

Oh so lovely mediation by cluttered cleaning

Tomorrow, tomorrow: against time’s dull contagion

Intrinsically addictive as much as is adoration

Clustered boredom

Sullen serenity in silent yet simultaneously shouting sanity

Nightcrawler: Death As Spectacle

Recently I got around to finally watching the 2014 Jake Gyllenhaal leading film Nightcrawler. This movie follows his portrayed character named Louis Bloom, or just Lou as he's generally referred, a socially awkward loner (more on that later) with what would be deemed a higher than average intellect who takes an interest in the videotaping of brutal injury and death for TV news after wandering about Los Angeles one night and stumbling upon a man doing just that and selling it to said media for a small profit. As the movie goes on Lou becomes more and more embroiled as well as pervasive in his pursuit of these graphic death scenes as his profession; going so far as to take out the person who had inspired his journey and became a competitor by fiddling with the mechanisms under his car, resulting in a crash which Lou then came to film himself, as planned.

During the course of the movie he acquires a partner, Rick, via more manipulative means, who eventually comes to figure out Lou's methods were being done with less than legal means. He puts together that Lou had intentionally withheld video evidence showing the faces and van license plate numbers of the two perpetrators of a triple homicide which they had arrived to just as the killers were leaving and prior to law enforcement arriving. Lou managed to capture that as well as go through the entire scene of the crime (where during, is revealed to actually be a drug related slaughter), which became a major news story and shortly thereafter visited by two detectives questioning him regarding if he'd seen or captured footage of those who did the act, denying he had. He then used the plate information he very much did possess and with that track down the partners in crime to a corner restaurant where he then tipped off police, which resulted in a shootout; turning into a high speed chase with Lou and Rick in hot pursuit and ending in a massive crash where Lou got out of the car (their vehicle unscathed and not in the accident) to check out the scene, getting back into it and having Rick go to take some video of the multiple overturned mobile machines where the remaining criminal shot him multiple times before getting out of the wreckage; both dying in the end. Lou, knowing the perp was still alive allowed such to occur as Rick had given him a taste of his own manipulative medicine earlier, and in the final moments of Rick's life admitted such.

Movie ending after a short and willing interrogation by one of the detectives who stopped by Lou's apartment earlier, getting out based on there being no evidence to hold against him. Cutting to the final scene from there, showing Lou now with two whole vans and a few new employees as part of his own small media conglomerate dedicated to this type of entertainment.

Now, initially I viewed Lou as being socially awkward in a way analogous to autistic due to his social oddities and straightforward explanations of memorised factoids, however most consensus and with consideration on the matter more accurately landing him on the antisocial personality disorder spectrum. It's likenable to Patrick Bateman from American Psycho (book or movie, take your pick), with the key difference being aptitude for emotional mirroring of Bateman opposing Lou's near constant flat affect. Nonetheless both hold a key intelligent prowess and agility in the situations they find themselves in, commanding the circumstances which they enter. 

Overall though, Nightcrawler reminds me most of a line from the 2019 movie Joker that's spoken by Arthur Fleck when he's donned the signature look and gone on a talk show he'd previously had admiration for, and after revealing himself as the culprit behind a triple murder of three young men on a subway expressed that the outrage regarding them was superficial as they'd been employees of Wayne Investments and that, "if it was me on dying on the sidewalk, you'd walk all over me." Which in a way, this film entirely disproves as it goes to show there's a morbid curiosity and fascination with death. It's more of a spectacle. Nightcrawler serves as a showcase in this tendency, even as contrived as the presented narrative the newswomen explains her own point in it all being a campaign of fear for viewership as; it very well does do that as much as titillate other senses. Death is eye candy, a car crash you can't look away from and to the point as necrophile Karen Greenlee once remarked on the matter of the onlookers of dead's groaning, "people really can't tell if you're grief-stricken or passion stricken." Be it the Colosseum of old Rome, footage of President Kennedy's brains exploding or the crucifixes word by Christians; this enamorment intertwined with aversion and denial is ever constant. As I detailed in a previous piece: 

where it would seem the spirit of this has survived, or transferred is almost that of a regression, but as much been there the entire time. Seen prominently with the Wild-West-outlaw-vigilante-justice acquired by Luigi Mangione's shooting of a man merely referred to now as the UnitedHealtchare CEO— overshadowing the now deceased Brian Thompson entirely; imbuing him with a similar 'aura' (as it is now phrased) as figures like Bonnie & Clyde or Doc Holliday and Billy The Kid. What it really is, I'm not sure entirely but it's a unique aspect of an almost ancient impulse— et tu, Brutus?

Except, as pointed out in Joker, this captivation is impersonal and without rhyme or reason; as is the nature of tragedy itself. It's voyeurism for suffering. 

Melancholic Aptitude

What is now two days ago I watched the new Travis Barker: Louder Than Fear documentary. Being one who has liked Blink-182 (as well as +44) for a good number of years and having even read Mark Hoppus' autobiography, I really didn't have a clue how much of an artist the drummer aficionado is. I knew he popped up in a shit ton of places, and first noticed such with Ghostemane's song D(r)ead and was vaguely aware of his collaborative work with people like MGK (of whom I really just don't care about), and some vague idea of his person based on the old tour diary from the 2002 Pop Disaster Tour that Blink did with Green Day, however this documentary goes to show a much deeper artist than what I saw in that footage from over 20 years ago. That said it gave an incredible detail about the plane crash Barker had been in, which I was vaguely aware of but never knew the story of. What is most interesting in it all is the happenstances of tragedy bringing those in his circle closer together, trauma seems to bind what was once an otherwise juvenile act into a cohesive unit, in spite of the hilarity onstage and in older songs; as such suffering has this unique ability to as easily tear such relationships apart...

Suffering is fascinating like that. Bittersweet in its capacity to attract as much as to dilute into deeper devastation. I remember recently I had this idea to try understanding the anatomy of suffering and its social effects, but in reality such is way too vast to quantify so simply into specifics as it's messy, tragedy is, and too fuckin random to get any real major or generalised gauge on the varying aptitudes to its experience...

full post on my Patreon.

Kite String

Is it in my own solitude?

Wondering why, 

it's so recurring to my mind;

Like television all the time

Suburban warm nights,

Aptitude of awake without any fight

Alone in the thrill of the-

lonesome landline;

Head clear and life nearer

Wandering into the overhead street lights,

Pale and fluorescent, morgue bright;

Musically ecstatic being free like a kite on a string:

Contradiction glaring, like bad bleeding from no beating;

Nothing, noting from nothing-

Imaginary concessions from out of touch dreams;

Baggage is a soiled seam,

Self-sewn, itching and ripped up-

reiterated stitches in mixed-

Conjecture,

Interjection, 

Conscientious objection in liberatory degeneration;

Detective unrelenting, Disneyland confetti,

Liability in listless serendipity

Misguided in introspective relationally constraining legibility