Sunday, March 15, 2026

20


Like with during the exact beginning of the New Year (of this year, 2026) with crafting a poem— Time Eats—  for a technicality of Laos around the sun while even a fetus— given my birthday is March 15 (today), reason could stand I could have had higher cerebral function at the time of 2005 slipping into 2006 whilst in the womb. 

The idea then on New Years being the same as now— as well as planned since then. That being twenty lines of a poem for twenty completed years of existence. 

One hour now
I guess I’m counting down 
Pre-emptive beginning while sipping Dr Pepper;

Unpredictable routes and consequential decisions—
Diabolical, ever-active imagination; rogue, unknowable destitution 

Another year another set of marks
Another decade and another coin toss
Alive as needed, echoing existentialist 
Surviving fatalist, salience negation
Prolonged, idealized condition…

Three minutes after the hour and two decades after the mundane occurrence 
Inconsequential unpredictable fluid drenched ignorant entity
Coagulated, vital existence in odd degrees

20 years: banal, beautiful and bitter altogether 
Interesting introspective case study every other day 
Incessant inquiries and reductive rationality to passive nihilative survival
Information addict; coffee fiend
Lovely DVDs shown on small screens

Awake through nonexistent alarms
Ever queer-quotient: liquidated totality 

Friday, March 13, 2026

space bit

A poem I wrote while on a binge of media relating to the astrophysicist Brian Cox. His way of explaining space is incredible in his enthusiasm and genuine mannerisms. 

Rare Earth, scarce solar system
Dual star siphoning interstellar entity 
Intangible and unimaginable galaxy

Unswimmable ocean, unintruded swamp
Exponential growth, inconsequential replication 
Implausible detection, silent civilization 

Quieter than the dead, darker than in bed
Filled with light, cloaked in eternal night
Pitch-black stellar screen

Hypothetically immoral interference 
Intergalactic law, future fixed flaw
Or merely, tribes only rise to swiftly fall

Orchid wreckage, birthed to bloom
gone so soon; unbeatable horizon filter
Heavy hitter, advanced event spark snuffer

Eyewitness to Expiration

Continuing my interest/research into online addiction and digital manifestations of its effects, from doomerism to dopamine draining of all varieties. Condensing/collecting understanding via poetry. Also coagulated is this playlist of videos on the topic and related matters

Intangible long-term award
New normal, formal habitation
Relayed information, idea of influence
Instant delay as time slips away and suddenly it's day

Wasted night without a trace of fight
Evening after evening, morning screaming behind the screen
Proposed productivity, unscratchable itch now high and mighty
Untapped constant ads, ridiculous constant content

Unending fill, down and down with nowhere else to go
No bottom, never-ending circuit
More, more, more; algorithm adored until you pass out and snore
Volume up full blast; random, automated generative space

Personal unpredictable programming
Wholesome vine and a slip beyond entertainment
Focal, inconsequential nothing
Doomed, oh well still won't do shit whichever way it gets put

Eroded existence, consuming escapism
Circular glowing rut
Conclusive out-of-body hobby
Conscious, common misery

Menial memories, cracked magnificence fed with inflated insignificance 
Useless tool turned into a ligature for ape-brained fools
Contended creation, out of bag algorithmic filler
Eyewitness to expiration

Online Addiction: Analysis/Review || Extended Research

Quoted in the short read but invariably the most accurate piece of information found in research regarding Online Addiction thusfar, New Yorker writer Maria Konnikova in her article Is Internet Addiction A Real Thing stated that with how the Internet, "is changing too rapidly for researchers to keep up, and, though the immediate effects are fairly visible, there's no telling what the condition [of Internet addiction] will look like over the long term." 

Patricia Netzley's small book, topically titled Online Addiction is a useful overview in regards to its subject matter. Navigating the unsettled dust of digital existence overlapping with physical, nails it quite nicely on the head as it would seem in its short explanations. The addiction to online activity she purports stems from a variety of converging factors offline-- other mental ailments and compulsive habits-- and the Internet becoming merely another notch to scratch onto the belt; like the habitual masturbator's case divulged by Anne Lembke in her book Dopamine Nation. Where it would seem outdated however, and differing from other addictions is that within the modern scape of acknowledging addiction to the Internet there is a high awareness of it, to the point of extreme meta-irony rather than shameful admissions of guilt from the acquired compulsions. Why have shame over something so nearly unavoidable with its constant proximity and accessibility? 

The book is beneficial nonetheless, and in fact as aforementioned acknowledges its almost instantaneous out-dated data as the landscape of the World Wide Web is so constantly updating and changing shape.

Coagulating an explanation based on current affairs and contents of the book however is seemingly possible: in the modern epoch of all-access abundance mixed with incessant, near constant 'once-in-a-lifetime generational events', and all-around volume seemingly at maximum screaming coming together in moments of stillness; boredom as the being is so used to being under some form of strain, duress, that scrolling provides sufficient stimulation. Stagnant, seemingly social yet altogether solitary after an hour sitting on the toilet, screen in between knees. 

In shorter, less wordy detail the gist of Netzley's book is that extreme boredom in a more lax era of existence is to an ape with an evolved overactive imagination. 

Thursday, March 12, 2026

Coffee ii collage

 


Re: Doomerism in its essentials

Something from the earlier Internet which could mark an early onset of digital addiction: Doomerism. Slingshotted post-2018 into higher popularity in usage and identification; peaking in its widespread adoption and attraction in 2020 with the tick in tuning into its more musical forms. 

The issues it confronted however still quite relevant from being listed on the Doomsday clock’s recent, somewhat fear-mongering announcement; climate change, oil, new wars. Tomorrow is different but it’s still the same. The gist being that warning signs are apparently all around, screaming that the end of days are well on their way. 

Ideation on this makes the nihilative quality of Doomerism almost religious. It’s the same expectation as with a group such as the Jehovah’s Witness’ and their ever failing prophecies of Revelations in the foreseeable future. 

Doomer, fatalist in an abundant mirror
Apocalyptic natalist, digital survivalist
Waiting, as if praying for the end—
Gotcha moment when it’s all done

Parallel prepping, Cold War style-stressing
Fearing, fetishizing the post-nuke fugue
Regurgitating nihilistic entropy;
Expected, predicted predestination 

Wednesday, March 11, 2026

Alien In Every Room

Conscious, constant rift
Ever-present opposition;
Impulse? Average existence?
Fly on every wall, watching and listening in on all obnoxious noxious noise within vicinity;

Varying common variables: symptomatically atypical—
Witness in meta-analytical eyes;
Third side listening to dual lies

Alien option, hesitating on humanity,
Estranged optics, encompassing isolation—
Beneficial break, tainting lamentation

Obstructing ousting, ever-clear oddity;
Similar space debris,
differing gamma outburst;
Slow, creeping, inevitable but altogether unpredictable worst,

as if it’s the first, never the final—
Always another round lined up,
Fresh paint makes flying away indescribable;

Fluttering from one wall to another,
Static, stagnant movement: incarcerating free-reign. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

Dopamine Nation: Analysis


My initial/preliminary thoughts can be read here

Concluding my first go-through of psychiatrist Anne Lembke’s book Dopamine Nation I can’t help but feel a bit let down. The expectation being that it would dig into the nature of addiction and its relationship to increasing digital existence; and maybe it did act in such a way, however it would seem more general— typical— case studies. 

Largely it would stand better as a general overview of addiction and how it manifests in the modern age of all-access abundance with the closest to a screen addition that gets the most highlighted is that of a man with uncontrollable masturbatory tendencies— which as a byproduct included compulsory activities in association with Internet and TV pornography, to the degree that on the current state of the World Wide Web the gentleman would be called a ‘gooner’. 

With that it presents the reader with various accounts from Lembke’s personal career in treating people with such ailments. Interwoven referential historical psychological findings from the marshmellow experiments with children to Pavlovian control in the realm of developmental psychology; to neuroscientific insights into the connection between brain chemistry and compulsory behavior relating to the pain/pleasure balance. Where it would seem the book is most interesting is in its explanations of in how many ways the mind reasserts, or attempts to reassert, equilibrium on that scale through fascinating plasticity. 

As for a taste of more digital addiction it would seem more fruitful researching elsewhere. Terminologically Anne Lembke’s book is a good resource, but in researching the compulsion to screens it would seem better information can be gained elsewhere; though as such serves as a good explanatory basis of addiction. 

Monday, March 9, 2026

Coffee ii

Coffee stained on the back of my hand
Covering skin, expressing cracks and follicles
Brown-black over pale; a better textured smell.
Coffee: invigorating, uplifting entity—
French press delicacy, Colombian serentity
Heart-beating ease of sleep
Skip-step, racing wide awake;
steamy, caged insanity— hot creamy, controlled calamity
Alleviating pet-peeves, annoying discrepancies 
Up-right, so I can write; long after day shifts into moonlight, pleasurable blue nights
Like a cold-cheap milkshake-looking mixture,
midnight concoction before a quick weed-breather 
Tired survival, fresh blissfully evoked revival
Creative tool, albeit addictive in half rule
Certain stimulation, ingenious mental captivating
Anytime, anywhere: coffee is nearly always there

Delicious drink, bitterfully filling taste
Memories enduring from every small association,
happy to haunting all in a sip then gone away at once—
awry and alright…

Electronic Eye Candy

 



 Researching for a planned companion to Tomorrow Is Different But It's Still The Same regarding the all too common digital addiction is this mashed coagulation of notes on what I've gathered looking through the information presented by psychiatrist Anne Lambke in her book Dopamine Nation; as well as appearance on the Joe Rogan podcast. In a sense there's a (possibly imposed) sense of irony in posting it online to be consumed via digital delivery, at least initially; but so is scrolling to read the book in free pdf format and listening to information. Call it data, call it content; regardless of respective/preferred verbiage to refer to it, it's still doomscrolling on a certain level all the same.

Saturday, March 7, 2026

Eternal In-between

Bullshit, bold candor
Self-sufficient progenator
Banal bastardization
In my head
In my head
Eternal war between-
erratic ecstacy, dreadful delicacy

Thursday, March 5, 2026

Tomorrow Is Different But It's Still The Same

"That ontological dimension is what is missing from the progressive populist model, in which  the masses cannot but appear as dupes, fooled by the lies of the elite but ready to effectuate change the moment they are made aware of the truth. The reality, of course, is that the 'masses' are under a few illusions about the ruling elite... populist fantasies-- more than that: the duped subject awaiting factual enlightenment is the presupposition on which progressive populism rests. If the most crucial political task is to enlighten the masses about the venality of the ruling class, then the preferred mode of discourse will be denunciation. Yet, this repeats rather than challenges the liberal order; it is no accident that the Mail and the Express favor the same denunciatory mode. Attacks on politicians tend to reinforce the atmosphere of diffuse cynicism upon which capitalist realism feeds. What is needed is not more empirical evidence of the evils of the ruling class but a belief on the part of the subordinate class that what they think or say matters; that they are the only effective agents of change."

"...what is depressing is the implacable poptimism of the official culture, forever exhorting us to be excited about the latest dreary shiny cultural product and hectoring us for failing to be sufficiently positive. A certain 'vulgar Deleuzianism', preaching against any kind of negativity, provides the theology for this compulsory excitation, evangelising on the endless delights available if only we consume harder. But what it is so often inspiring-- in politics as much as in popular culture-- is the capacity to nihilate present conditions. The nihilative slogan is neither be 'things are good, there is no need for change', nor 'things are bad, they cannot change', but 'things are bad, therefore they must change.'"

"The depressive, totally dislocated from the world, is in a better position to undergo subjective destitution than someone who thinks that there is some home within the current order that can be preserved and defended." --Mark Fisher, Dis-identity politics 

Understanding this by a current analogy to worldly-- or just national events. Protests such as the 'no kings' marches and attempted governmental shutdowns, as well as fetishised nationwide walkout from all occupations and sectors of life (as if that luxury of an option can be afforded by everyone) show a failure in understanding the idea of perpetual/permanent revolution as Marx and Trotsky intended on behalf of those left of centrism. Mirroring this from Charlottesville to the 2021 takeover of the United States capitol building on January 6 by the right shows a lack of motivation, or ambition, towards much of anything beyond a temporary spectacle; rather than using accomplishments as sustaining fuel for fire, future deeds of might in order to install some new idealised system. 

In his second appearance on Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan's podcast The Magnificent Others, Hollywood legacy and writer Conrad Flynn explored the modern epoch of "avatars" and modern culturally imbued individuals, paralleled to those hoisted up in the 1960s and '70s by the New Left as akin to those empowered by the New Right. Main examples given being John Lennon and Kanye "Ye" West, Nick Fuentes and Abby Hoffman. Explaining these sorts of characters repeat in the cycles of time, people responding to similar signals and finding a purpose being presented by said representative Avatars. Archetypes viewed in light of the atmosphere's of the era's; the 1960s and '70s permeated by the assassination of [both] Kennedy['s] and a nonsensical foreign war  in Vietnam and Civil Rights struggles; eventually seemingly dying down as the combative overseas conflict concluded and legally solved in certain regards. Ultimately however the grounds of contention shifted ever so slightly in scope viewed and issues covered. 

Kicking off the roaring 2020s, was a hypothesised war which never came into fruition beyond memes, forgotten as quickly as the hype around it began. Fast forward two months into the new decade and delving into a year and a half long bipolar quarantine as a result of the COVID-19 virus taking a global stranglehold. Whether it was a bioweapon invented on behalf of some Chinese weapon lab, elite meddling to induce the populus into more controlled fortion-- fear tactics-- is only slightly relevant to the ensuing cabin fever increasing hypernormalisation en mass. Deviation in mundane existence made clear as celebrities gathered together to sing Lennon's song Imagine from luxury while the rest of the people struggled to find something as simple as toilet paper. 

"Purpose. I sell purpose. These people got nothing; maybe they lost a job or a house or a kid to Oxy. Politicians don't give a shit, mainstream media tells them to be ashamed of their skin color. So, well, I bring 'em together, tell them a story, give them a purpose. Which would you rather believe? That you belong to a community of secret warriors battling a secret evil, or that you're a lonely inconsequential nobody that no one will ever remember?" --Firecracker, The Boys s4e2

Hippie, groyper, black panther, ally.  From Fuentes 'hot takes' and rising "aura" in the wake of the post-mortem deification via meme martyrdom of Charlie Kirk to Instagram influencers posting black squares in support of Black Lives Matter, even going back two decades to the height of the pop-punk/emo explosion. Fandom serves for fulfilment where purpose is lacking in order to sustain a motivational self-esteem; as Firecracker explained to Sister Sage her area of work in the irony intense series The Boys. As Timothy Leary gave out LSD, now people hallucinate from dopamine drained brains. Queer, Nazi, nigger, Thelemite, conservative, faggot, Deadhead: reclaimed is merely a synonym for repackages and sold in numbers. From this a Nietzschean posit can be made: as from the melancholic declaration mourning the murder of God at the hands of his creators and adherents, the attempts to fill a void of purpose and ways to exist in a world so seemingly less difficult, but simultaneously no different a struggle. Tomorrow is different but it's still the same.

"Identity politics seeks respect and recognition from the master class; dis-identity politics seeks the dissolution of the classifactory apparatus itself." (Fisher)

Now six years and another election later, new foreign conflicts sprouting in the midst of it all. From a nuclear false flag to a wary last-ditch effort to keep antisemite a bad label; it's almost like the second world war never ended. Machiavellian theatrics deployed to old foreign failures from Venezuela to Iran. Dictators dead or in cells to cheering citizens as bombs continue to explode over the latter; who were witness to mass executions earlier this year on behalf of protesting the oppressive regime, mirroring in a massive degree of difference but simultaneously similarly viewed killing of protestors by ICE in the United States in the midst of its own civil distress. As in the beginning of last June it is in the start of this March with missiles lighting up the Middle Eastern skyline; all because a nation which wasn't there until the 1940s has likely evidence the sitting POTUS fucked kids and is now MOSSAD's bitch. Days of future past; tomorrow is different, but it's still the same.

20

Like with during the exact beginning of the New Year (of this year, 2026) with crafting a poem— Time Eats —  for a technicality of Laos arou...