A year is an interesting idea. That it starts in winter I find odd— given the idea is a ‘new’ year it should be akin to rebirth; or the season of spring. However, given the tilting of the axis the seasons across hemispheres are in constant loop. In a sense maybe one of the spring or autumn (depending on the geographical placement from the equator) would suit better placeholders.
It’s a rather fruitless attempt at debate, time being relative; a year on Earth is quite a few elsewhere in the solar system. Time only matters and means so much as to what our short lifespans wind up perceiving. A new year is merely a spherical hunk making a loop around a giant ball of gas. To me it seems a bit weird, though in the same manner it must be queer to a Jehovah’s Witness the celebration of that or my own affinity to my date of birth. This next loop around it marks the 20th for me.
Twenty—
Has it been plenty?
Running,
out of one thing-
out of money-
into degeneracy
Do I need Misery or
do mysterious entities need me?
Hermit,
Ambiguous spree
Dusk to dust
far from a skeletal husk
Lolita and butterflies by dying flames
What if I stayed?
Hash, fash, perfume splash
Mad last gasp
Head up just as fast
Present is future past
Yet another to best
Time eats without teeth
20 lines for 20 years, come March that is. But I’ll count it. Technically, I would have been ‘alive’ in the womb 20 years ago tonight. I say technically as unless I had higher brain functioning that would make it so I can be writing this now, which it is possible of being in the time of that trimester then such tends to develop, I would consider myself alive in more ways akin to a symbiote in Spider Man.
I’ve had this coffee I’m sipping on since about midnight last night, only have a bit less than half drank— I fell asleep shortly after walking out to get it; with it I also got two packets of Planters salted peanuts. Of the two one remains in ever so slightly decreasing quantity. A siren briefly starts then quiets as quickly, a fire vehicle from the sound of it. So begins the semi-annual explosive-related incident surge which happens this time, and July with Independence Day’s celebratory tradition.
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Outside, though dark, it’s nicely overcast with slight sprinkling of rainfall— the air feels nice, but heavy. Ozone permeates every inhale through the nasal cavity.
The plastic piece goes between my lips, I breathe in with my mouth like to sip from a straw and electric myst enters my entity. Holding a second, upon exhaling there’s minimal fog. Adrenaline shortly coursing through and nicotine giving its focusing fumes. I yawn. Not terribly tired even though the lids of my eyes weigh slightly. Intake—hold—elate. Coffee doing its use. Putting my headphones on, covering only one ear I press play on Meine Musik. Marilyn Manson’s Keep My Head Together begins instantly— I have the We Are Chaos CD but I want LOUD and variety; and to feel what I hear, so headphones suffice until the morning when I’m completely alone. The song is good. I wrote much on it in notebooks— I get it now though. I think, but probably not— I can interpret though… Bleeding from and into the vibrationally industrial 3Teeth’s song Atrophy.
I could, well, more accurately should be reading, or maybe working my notes on Plato’s Phaedo into some sort of better essay; but writing this suffices. An exercise I don’t do as much as earlier in the year. From 3Teeth to Depeche Mode, the live version of Stripped from their 101 album. I remember listening to this at full volume in the car while driving amidst a raging storm in the Colorado mountains. With the wrong split second I very well could have died, impossible to see anything but black and flashes of lightning too quick and pale to see with beyond the bumper ahead of me, red tail lights lights guiding as my map had long since lost signal… Inevitably ascending the mountain to spend a nice rest of that night in the park by Columbine High School…
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The phone tells me it is now 9:48pm. Death Effector Domains, an interesting number begins in my ear. Groovy tune, not much more than a nice vibe. I feel it would lead really well into High Pressure Dave by HEALTH, quickly putting it as the next track right in time. My bias confirmed.
Getting distracted by my phone, I threw it and my headphones to the side. For now I’ll have more peanuts, coffee and delve further into the pages of Patti Smith’s book M-Train; which is the whole motivator for this stream of conscious writing.
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Read a bit more, got lost on my phone a bit more. Now it’s 11:34, turn it upside down and it spells hell. Hell… there’s an essay on that in a book I have playing interesting word games with regards to Hell. When I get up in the morning I’ll reread it. For now, I go to take a few pictures…
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